Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
