Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
