Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
