I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
