You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
