I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
