I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
