Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
