Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
