booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
