Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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