Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
