So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
