okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
