wakey wakey hands off snakey
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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