I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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