Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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