Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
