I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
