I smell stomach acid.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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