Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
