??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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