I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
