So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
