my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
