He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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