His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
