I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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