He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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