I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
