i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
