Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
