you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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