Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
