My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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