Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
