I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
