Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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