Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
