so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
