No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
