peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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