This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
