im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
