I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
A+ Viking dick
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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