I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
