Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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