Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
