I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
