i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
