That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
