how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
