I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
